(9.11.2015 No.132 —

By Steve Hermanos

Phillies Phans Phrantically Rejoice!
Not their dead-last .386 winning percentage,
Not the gloom
Of bloaty contracts given formerly-bloaty players,
Of franchise players Jimmy Rollins and Chase Utley glamming it up in L.A.

They’re celebrating that the money guys,
Have phinally,
Phired their Rasputin, their Svengali, their Dick Cheney!
The man ruining everything he touches—
Ruben Amaro, Junior;

Now, Ruben Amaro, Junior,
Is no doubt,
Nice to his kids, his wife,
Orphans and kittens;

Formerly a bat boy and player for the Phils,
His father played for them, too,
But as General Manager…
Well, it’d be like me running Apple Computer—
You just don’t want that to happen—

They’re taking the day off,
Philling the bars of Broad Street,
The Main Line,
Down around Independence Hall,
They’re dancing on the Duck Boats,
They’re buzzing ’cross Jersey to hit the beaches
One last time this year;

And though it’s September 11th,
14 years after the worst terrorist attack in
United States History,
At least,
For Phillies Phans,
They can remember September 11, 2015,
And celebrate something good,
Rising from the ashes.

—end of poem

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